so it seems

After having a fantastic chat to silence, I think it is a good time to update this page.

As for me. Not much has changed.

Living in a new country, temporarily has defiantly helped me gain a bigger perspective on things. This was supposed to be my year, the year that shall define me and allow me to set goals and see all I can achieve, yet so far all I have gotten is a bunch of separation papers, a snow stain on my shoe and loneliness.

Firstly I would like to address my current situation with silence. You see, as sad as it may seem, our friendship seems a waste. I can not find the words to express this emotion, so ill try and sum it all up. silence has a pretty shit life and needs support. In my opinion, professional. For all of '09, I had seemed to gain the position of emotional dumper.. meaning the person who you would go to too tell all your shit and hope that they can help you through it. What silence didn't know was that I couldn't cope and when it came time for myself to need that support I so gracefully showed, it wasn't there. Selfish huh??

I always said in friendships, you shouldn't need to try and make them work. They should just do it. This is where this relationship went wrong. silence is not a people person. You could say silence lacked social skills for which this is what needed to confront.

On the other hand, some other relationships have seemed to grow. It makes me smile. grumpy has become a rock to me. I feel as though this is one of those friendships that is a good example for my previous definition. You don't need to try. It just happens. This year, grumpy has been through a lot. I feel sorry. It is sad to see such a close friend feel a way for which you cant fix. Yes, I believe I was a dumper but I think when something is reciprocal it is different. I miss grumpy.

Now. as I seem to be on the topic of friendship, I would like to mention my new group. We are called the nacho five. These people consist of jj, spa, captain, mak, myself and polo. Yes, I know, that is six people but unfortunately when the name was created captain wasn't there.

These people are amazing. spa, best described as smart, single and sexy has become so close to me. It would be 3am in the morning and spa would be the person I turn too. spa's bed has become second nature to me and as dirty as that may seem, some very personal, emotional and good conversations have undergone there. Relationship status with mak remains the same. for now and jj has a JOB! haha. Who would have guessed. sorry jj.

must jet, will continue soon.

c.

The Bitch of Living

Friends.
As a teenager, you develop a set of emotions that usually revolve around bitching, back stabbing and ditching. I am an abuser. People who have always been their for me in my lowest of times and highest of times now end up at the bottom of my message list. It is sad.
Who are your true friends?
What are real friends willing to do for you?
In the past six months I have been confronted with these questions repetitively. not always ending positive.

With the change of school I was bound to get distant with people who I loved. Not having the ability to see someone five days a week is hard. It tests how far your willing to go to remain close to this person.

I have always seen myself as a rather one ended friend. I would love my friends to death but when the flame goes out, can you re light it? Someone most distant yet so close to me said "Come What May". Can this be a sign to ignite things?

People always say "the friends you make in high school are your friends for life" but how do we know who are the true ones.

Are they the ones who support your every decision, how stupid it may be?
Who sit their and listen to your continuous rants or are they just trying to get up on the gossip?

I am beginning to hit the maturity to understand the true meaning but how long does this lesson last?

I go to bed most nights just thinking about "the days".
when you were young.
when you were always happy.
when your friends didn't care if you wet your pants. They wouldn't laugh, they would help you in your time of need.

the bitch of living continues..

Up and Running

with exams underway, it seems like everyone but C is feeling the pressure. J is studying hard and is limiting online chats to 2am, S, although relaxed and still full of life is beginning to feel the heat as her second exam starts and L is finished. oh what joy.

C and S went to Ls party the other day. twenty one. fuck. was a great night though.
C is still underage. Did that stop him from entering? no. with a security guard who appears to foreign for his own good, C walked straight in. free champs. Lollie entered too.

night ended good. C and S were dancing all night. no pills needed. time to head home.
got home. slept.

C is under prep for his one year journey to the land of fatty foods and beer. more deets to follow.